The dating conundrum

The most difficult time to be in a relationship as a guy is in your early twenties.The period when you are stuck in a limbo, trying to figure out yourself and who you want to be.

At this age, you find it a herculean task asking money from your parents, considering your dad will always remind you of how he was self sufficient at your age. So you are always left with “Nkechiyere” anyone that comes from them willingly. To compound your “woes”. You have a girlfriend whom you love so much, you are 24 and she is 23. And guys being wired to want to take control, you are frustrated at your inability to take care of her like you want to.
I mean where is the money??
You are still jobless, still hustling, still finding your feet.
Still putting hands in to many things hoping for good. All of a sudden, she starts acting out and showing attitude. You call, and she takes forever to pick or return your calls. When she finally does pick, the call is like an interview session with those annoying and frustrating one word replies. Yes, no, fine, okay, nothing.

Then finally she ends the call with a flimsy excuse like ” wait let me close the fridge”, i will call you back. And the call never comes back. Then one day she calls you and asks you “where is this relationship heading to?.
You don’t even know where your own life is heading to, not to talk of a relationship. Then she drops the bombshell. Tells you that she met a guy who wants to marry her. And how age isn’t on her side, and you are almost compelled to scream “But you are just 23″. Can’t you wait 3 more years let me make it.
You just hold yourself and play the good guy. You ask her if she loves him, she dodges the question and replies you with ” He treats me well”. Well since she wasn’t informing you to take permission, she was simply telling you.

You have to be the cool guy and wish her well. One week later, she gives you the traditional wedding card. And then you do the math yourself. She was talking to the guy a long time before now.

Then you realise that for every “K” you got on WhatsApp, the guy was getting a long epistle.
You have been played. Worse is you cant even blame her, you are just a prospect who no one knows what will become of your life in 4years time. Would you have made it or not? She has gone for the real deal, someone who has already made it.

In footballing terms, you are a “Anthony Martial” ( prospect) while the guy is a Messi ( has made it already). I mean you were sending her cards of N200, and the guy was telling her to manage 10k for the weekend. No comparison there.
And then you go through that silent heartbreak guys go through, the ones they don’t talk about. And unceremoniously you get inducted into the special hall of fame where members are young guys whose childhood loves and friends or girlfriends they thought they would end up with left them to marry someone else. Your heart is broken into smithereens. In this hall of fame, you are all victims. Victims of not having found your path in your early twenties.
At the wedding, no sight is more heartbreaking than seeing “the love of your life” say “I do” to this guy she just met 6 months ago.
To make matters worse, you get an alert from Diamond bank telling you how N13 have been deducted for bank charges. You are mad.Your N4000, is down to N3987 rendering that N1k useless, you can only withdraw N3k now. And that’s your home and abroad. Can life be more unfair at this moment?

6 years later. You are 30 now. Congratulations, you finally made it. You are as rich as you hoped you will become. You are one of the happening guys in town. You go to a wedding. With your friends, the men on suit. Those guys that just intimidate everyone in the hall. You are seated scouting the hall, and the bridal train passes by. Of course, bridal train and ashoebi ladies always show themselves. That’s part of the job description. Sampling. And you spot one, she is beautiful, elegant and tall. You walk up to her, chat her up. Exchange numbers and you leave. She is 24, ripe for marriage. Three months later, you are sounding marriage to her ears. She loves how it sounds.

You are on chat with her always.
And somewhere else, a 25year old boy still finding his way is wondering why the girlfriend is becoming distant these days.
Why is he getting those one worded replies which is unlike her. Why do there chats seem more like interview. And fast fast, you have proposed and simultaneously she is asking the 25year old boy that question of
“Where is this relationship going to”. And then you marry her, and somewhere a boy gets heart broken.

You see we are always going to do this to ourselves.

Written by @jaetomz⁠⁠⁠⁠

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